Beautiful little moments of chaos (infinitystorm) wrote,
Beautiful little moments of chaos

i am alive

i feel as if i haven't existed for the past month. everything is culminating work school. gah and the future too. i dont even have a personality anymore i am just concentrating on surviving and making enough money to survive.

i havent spent a night away from my new love entanglement. we practically live together and go about our daily lives with the other in the same room. sometimes it feels as if we dont communicate enough but i blame that on the fact that i have so much school work to complete and i spend half of our time together reading and such.

i am getting psyched about teaching but i am not psyched about the unstable quality that my life will take after graduation. i feel like i should be depressed or upset but honestly i am too busy and have nothing to make me truly feel these things.

am i just suffering paranoia or lack of drug intake? i realized today as i drove to high school that i haven't done drugs in at least two months. startling for me considering the path i was riding for awhile. i completely stopped everything and i am amazed by my tenacity to keep this cycle going. i know to some of you, you have heard me say i was going to quit drugs before and i never really did. i always went back for more but lately i have seen the depths to which these things can take a person.

i saw a walking skeleton and a man who lies everyday about where his life will go but blows all of his chances and finances the minute he can.

i think the skeleton was the scariest, with his sunken eyes and gangling arms that dangled at his sides like two broken pendulums swinging carelessly.

i guess promises do work when you actual find a reason to keep it. when there is some more powerful force then yourself governing the promise.

oh well thats my life, not interesting but living it just the same.
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