Beautiful little moments of chaos (infinitystorm) wrote,
Beautiful little moments of chaos

you dont see me

for the first time it has dawned on me that i need to be finished with college, this section this portion of my life although it had many lessons and was very interesting needs to end. i feel as if much of it was like high school i came away with a few friendships and i am ultimately leaving behind more friendships and glad of it. its not that i dont like the people or did but i see why we were never meant to be more than just friends at the time, now that i really think about it most of the people i know here are nothing like me...

really what started this was my loss of a movie but it led me to realise that all of my "friends" were nothing more than her friends and although at another point in my life i would be crying now somehow i just dont feel the least bit regretful or sad about that. in fact i really dont care becuz they weren't my friends merely people whose names i knew and who i occassionally hung out with but no one that i ever really sought to have company with. she can try to make me feel bad as much as she wants but when it comes down to it i think she is the lonely one, i am comfortable sitting around the house reading a book or watching movies whereas she has to be out at a bar or getting drunk with people to feel needed. she says i have no friends but she is wrong, i have friends and my life does not revolve around her and her friends (tho i think she imagines that i envy her friends and lifestyle) i really just feel sorry for her and i feel sorry for her because out of all the people she knows i am probably the most honest person and the only one who really truly cares. a person i know recently got hired at cracker barrell and he told me that altho most people at her job treated her fairly kindly they really all despised her and her bitchy ways. no surprises there. really i cant help but wonder what it is she is searchign for because she is searching. she is certainly not going through life the way that i am trying to reach for something trying to accomplish something, its more like she is just going through some motions that someone else has shown her.

not enough people think about their existence and what they want to make of it, yes you shouldnt live with regrets but in the end are regrets really a bad thing, it means taht you learned something that you endured something and maybe you did something right or wrong but in the end each little choice and decision is going to have an impact both negatively and positively so yes we should accept our regrets and move on but they arent a bad thing. to think this whole thing was started by two movies actually, one that was stolen and one that i watched today. interview with the vampire made me realize that some people live a quiet existence as food for the immortals and they never try to be anything more, i would rather be immortal, i am beyond those people.
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