its been awhile since i have written, people are convinced i have disappeared off the face of the earth but don't feel relieved yet people i am still here, still intact. my computer is fixed now or at least as fixed as it will be, story of my life all my things die of viruses. even my pretty kitty suffers from sneeze attacks and boogery eyes. all he does is sleep on my windowsill all day but at least he cuddles. in the height of my trip i felt as if i was meditating and the cat was my link back to reality, i didnt want to disturb him as he purred between my legs because he had never sought human contact before that moment. before that i endured a raging man who was angry at me for not calling him all night the night after my bday. and drew offered to grab my hair in his hand and makeout with me all night, i just slept or rather i curled myself into a blanket and tried to ignore the thigns bonnie said. "how do you know you will ever get married? you don't so just makeout with him, he told me he wants to make out with you what can it hurt?"
i finally faced the wall in my heart and poor josh the moments seem to trickle down, i think i was too high to be around your sexual libido, i cant be wanted anymore its just too much for me to bear.
and the highest point of my drama wont come till sept when i will have to sit at a wedding with my bf across from that thing that will evantually tear him from me, i hope tha ti cry at the wedding and i hope that i get hurt bad, yes these are my hopes and pain is something solid to hold onto, it will never disappoint me.
time for enchiladas and things of that nature, time to cuddle with my distrusting buddha cat, who is now obsessed with my bedroom and sleepign warmly between my thighs while i dream of a higher consciousness.